The Comedy Tree News Archive
TUC Warns Companies About Office Christmas Parties - December 16, 2004
Serious warnings were issued this week about one of the UK’s most cherished intuitions, the Office Christmas Party.
The warnings came from the TUC and the Society for the Prevention of Infectious Laughter, Entertainment, and Random Surprises (SPOILERS), with SPOILERS’ president Roger Dullworth saying, “Precautions need to be taken so that staff do not injure themselves, damage office equipment, and most importantly, do not enjoy themselves at work.”
Key safety concerns include dancing on tables and desks, extreme drunkenness and sexual harassment. Successfully performing all three simultaneously however, could lead to nomination for the prestigious annual Dean Martin Award.
Employees had mixed reactions to the warnings. One concerned office worker (who has asked to remain nameless) said, “My name is Shane and I would never have had the chance to photocopy my arse, piss on my boss’s laptop and puke on his wife. I love Christmas and celebrating the birth of our Lord. He makes me look for a new job every January.”
Warnings from SPOILERS also mentioned the hazards of being a twat at office parties. Anthony Miller, an office joker from Slough, was badly injured last Christmas when he dressed up as the Microsoft Office paperclip and repeatedly interrupted his colleagues with quips such as, “It looks like you’re trying to have a conversation”. Miller later fell out a seventh floor window, breaking both his legs and fracturing his spine. The remark, “It looks like you’re falling out a window” was heard as he fell.
