World Cup Hopes Rise And Fall For England - June 28, 2006

As England prepares for its quarter-final match against Portugal, pressure is mounting on the team with hopes of a World Cup victory building amongst England fans.

This year’s World Cup is somewhat bittersweet for coach Sven-Goran Eriksson, who will be England’s coach for the last time. Eriksson said he was looking forward to his next project - the launch of his new flat-packed, LÄCK football stadium range. “With a few twists of an Allen key, those idiots building Wembley would be ahead of schedule, not behind. They come in Beech and Birch Veneer.”

Eriksson has come under criticism for lacking a game plan and seeming aloof during the World Cup so far. He responded by saying, “Oh yes. The World Cup, right. Would you like to try one of my meatballs?”

England captain David Beckham is said to be counselling a depressed Wayne Rooney, who is down about the lack of product endorsement offers he’s received. Whilst Beckham has endorsed everything from designer labels to entire countries, including Brazil, Rooney’s only offer so far has been from Claims Direct. The offer was to front a campaign which begins, ‘Does your face look like this?’

Many English fans already have their sites set on other international sporting victories, such the World Snooker Championship and the World Darts Cup. But the odds offered by betting shops for England indicate little hope of any victory, despite no other countries playing snooker or darts.

Brazil fans weren’t too worried about the threat of an English World Cup victory. As one Brazilian fan said, whilst salsa-ing with a stunning, topless woman, “Even if they win, they loose. At the end of the day, they all have to go back to England.”