The Comedy Tree News Archive
Sex Toy Causes Air Security Scare - October 7, 2004
Authorities in a regional Australian airport shut down services for several hours after a vibrating sex toy was mistaken for a bomb. The terminal at Mackay Airport in Queensland was evacuated, causing upheaval to flight schedules.
The alarm was raised by cafeteria manager Lynne Bryant, whose staff was cleaning the area near a bin where the package was spotted.
"The rubbish bin started humming furiously," she told Australian reporters. "We called security and the next minute everybody was being evacuated."
A group of women visiting from Newcastle in England, who were in the toilets during the evacuation, had to be restrained by police once they came out and realised what was in the bin.
Senior constable Kevin McCarron said, “They instantly recognised the humming noise and charged straight through six police officers to get to it. We managed to overpower them with stun-guns and truncheon blows, but only after they started fighting amongst themselves.”
Female terror experts called into the scene described the suspect package as an “advanced device with rotating beads for intense internal sensation, with a larger, bulbous head for deep G-spot stimulation”. They warned passengers to avoid suspicious looking anal plugs, nipple clamps and strap-ons.
This week The Comedy Tree will provide two seminars on how to defend against a terrorist vibrator attack. This Thursday’s seminar in Putney features musical terrorist Rainer Hersch (“A stroke of comic genius” THE STAGE) and satirical terrorist John Oliver - “A wonderfully intelligent comic” EVENING STANDARD), with James Sherwood, Nik Coppin and Pete Jonas as MC.
Friday’s seminar in Hammersmith features hilarious terrorist Rob Deering (“Comedy's man of the moment” METRO) with Dave Ward, Rhodri Rhys, Nigel Taylor and Pete Jonas as MC.
Two months ago, a flight bound for Los Angeles was forced to return to Sydney when flight staff discovered the letters "BOB", interpreted as possibly meaning "bomb on board", scrawled on a sick bag in an aircraft toilet. It later transpired that "BOB" can also denote "Best on board" - a term used by air crew to identify good-looking passengers. “BOB” is also a term frequently used to identify people with the name “Bob”.
