The Comedy Tree News Archive
Family in Turkey Proves Clue to Evolution - March 9, 2006
Fivesiblings in Turkey who walk on all fours may prove to be a vital link inhuman evolution. The three sisters and two brothers could provide cluesas to how our ancestors transitioned from four-legged to two-leggedanimals.
Professor NicolasHumphrey discovered the family on a recent holiday to Ankara. “We wereriding on a bus and they started chasing the vehicle, trying to biteits bumper - without oyster cards. What animals!”
The Professor, who isactually the same Professor that spent many years stranded on Gilligan’sIsland, believes the family are not a hoax. “I want one. My son and Idid really badly in the three-legged race at the school fete last year.With a Turkish Neanderthal coaching us however, we may just get theadvantage we need and finally beat that prick O’Halloran and his stupid,ginger kid.”
The discovery of the‘Quad-People’ coincides with recent revelations around the world ofother uniquely developed humans including:
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Pogo Petrov - A manfrom Poland born without legs, who walks by bouncing on his penis.
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Buoyant Bridgette - Awoman from Gloucestershire who can float in water using her triple-Qbreasts and can survive any car accident.
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Cyber Boy - A digitalchild who has an Xbox instead of hands, who died playing ‘Bush II: Shut up, serveyour country and eat lead.’
Theonly nation to dispute the Turkish origins of the siblings is NewZealand, with the New Zealand Prime Minister, Helen Clark, saying, “I’msure that’s Jenny Bartlett and her sisters from Invercargill High.”
The Turkish governmentalso has high hopes for the family and believes they could help with thecountry’s plans to join the EU. Foreign Minister, Mujahideen Kebab,stated, “The EU must take Turkey seriously. We're goingto be big players at the next Olympics and predict gold in the showjumping and the steeple chase.
