The Comedy Tree News Archive
'Miracle toast' appears on eBay - June 23, 2005
Several pieces of toast have been sold on the internet auction site eBay, claiming to contain images of the vindicated pop singer Michael Jackson’s face.
Vendors claimed the slices were not faked - but popped out of their toasters before or during the verdicts.
“I knew Michael would be free when it said ‘not guilty’ on my bagel” said one fan in a rocking chair wearing a straightjacket and living in his own Neverland ranch.
The Jackson estate has been rumoured to have been buying up thousands of pieces of toast that showed Jackson in compromising positions. Said one seller (who cannot be named for legal reasons), “My name is Tony and let’s just say the trial would have turned out differently if my toast had come to light.”
Ebay has recently posted some tips for appraising the value of toastly images. The FAQs below are useful in evaluating whether your breakfast could help put the kids through school.
Question: I’ve got a piece of toast with someone famous on it. What’s my first step?
Answer: Don’t eat the toast! Remember, there is always someone dumber and wealthier than you who will pay you for it.
Question: I’ve eaten the toast. What do I do now?
Answer: Try and save your poo. You might still be able to make out the image if you look really close. Get right down in there. That’s it. Closer.
Question: I am a highly influential President and have found a piece of toast with that indicates that there were no WMD in Iraq and that I’m a massive, fat liar. What should I do?
Answer: Cover up the evidence - with peanut butter - and then be sure to eat your poo, just to be safe.
A piece of toast containing a comedic image also appeared on eBay. If deciphered, the code in the toast will reveal the secret location of a ‘comedic holy grail’ containing Bob Monkhouse’s lost joke book and the sarcophagus of Benny Hill – rumoured to be a direct descendant of Jesus Christ.