Raid Police Apologise for Hurt - June 15, 2006

The London Metropolitan police have apologised for the "hurt" caused after another botched anti-terror incident, which resulted in two brothers being cleared of any terrorist involvement and freed without charge.

The normal charge for having your home invaded by over 250 officers and being shot in the shoulder is about £5,000. However, according to one of the brothers, Mohammed Abdul Kahar, they got their raid cheap because “the cops were four hours late and they accidentally shot up my iMac and Phillips 32” Flat Screen TV.”

The younger brother, Abul Koyair, said that he didn’t even realise it was terrorist raid, “It was my birthday so I thought maybe my brother had booked a stripper for me or something. But when they dragged my grandma out of the house and shot my brother, I thought something isn’t right about this.”

Police Assistant Commissioner Andy Hayman said that, more than anything, he regretted the hurt the incident could have done to his career, but was unapologetic after the Prime Minister came out in support of him. Sporting a baseball cap and thick gold chains, Hayman said, “You see what get when you mess with me? I ain’t playin’ around no more. What’s that? Huh? You wanna a piece of me, punk?”

The Ass. Commissioner also explained that another problem with the raid was the boys’ beards, which made them look like “extremists” or Papa Smurf.  The brothers are in fact preparing to take a show a ZZ Top tribute show to the Edinburgh Festival Fringe, called BB Top - Bearded & Bangladeshi.

London Mayor Ken Livingstone branded the botched raid a disgrace and said, “They didn’t even follow police procedure. The manual states that if you take such a risk and then find nothing, you’re obliged to plant evidence and leave no witnesses in order to uphold the Met’s reputation.”