The Comedy Tree News Archive
The Comedy Tree in Docile Takeover Bid - December 4, 2003
An unpleasant scene unfolded on Monday morning at The Comedy Tree headquarters when an over-zealous E. McElroy stormed in and announced that the Comedy Tree would be launching a hostile takeover bid for the Jongleurs chain of comedy clubs.
Smoking a cigar and dressed in a gold suit with a briefcase handcuffed to his wrist, McElroy announced, "In this briefcase, I have one million dollars with which to launch my takeover bid. I will seize control, and then fill each of these clubs with two-bit, open spot comedians, thereby running them into the ground".
Comedy Tree partner, Pete Jonas, immediately dismissed the idea as lunacy, advising McElroy to "get the f*ck out of here" or face a citizen's arrest on the grounds of insanity, and possibly even a Chinese burn to the cock.
McElroy's megalomania, however, was at too far an advanced stage to hear reason. He began to clobber Jonas around the head with the briefcase until it became battered and eventually flung open.
Instead of masses of bank notes flying into the air, a badly made sandwich fell out onto the floor. Both men stared at it silence. An overpowering stench of stale alcohol hung in the air around McElroy. There was no million dollars. There would be no hostile takeover bid. They were both just struggling promoters who ran a small local club and who drank too much. McElroy wasn't even funny. Jonas was probably gay. They were both fat. It was 9.13am.
E. McElroy was last seen being bungled into a white van by two orderlies and will not be appearing at the Comedy Tree this week. And just as well! Because being the final show for 2003, there is an insane line-up anyway, with a double-headline bill featuring Lee Mack (The Sketch Show) and the fantastic Gordon Southern, along with Tom Price and Ed Petrie. Pete Jonas, who ate the badly made sandwich, is your MC.
