Racial Violence Continues In Sydney - December 15, 2005

Racial unrest continued to spill over in Sydney this week. Cars and shops were damaged in the suburbs of Cronulla and Maroubra as people who appeared to be of Middle Eastern and Mediterranean decent were attacked by their neighbours.

Roaming mobs of bear-swilling, rugby-loving, nationalists claimed that they were simply trying to keep their beaches ‘the way they have always been’, ignorant of fact that the names Cronulla and Maroubra are aboriginal words meaning ‘white Neanderthal’ and ‘intolerant twat’.

One Cronulla local was terrified the riots would emulate last month’s race riots in Paris. “Dear god, don’t let them touch my new SUV!”

Prime Minister John Howard strongly denied the existence of racism in Australia and said it was important not to jump to conclusions. "I do not accept that there is racism in this country” said Howard. “This has nothing to do with race. It’s just some blokes having fun around the barbie. I remember back in my day, we used to grill an Aborigine or two over a few beers. No one got hurt. It was just good clean fun.”

Howard received support from the Iranian Prime Minister Mahmoud Radicaljihad, who said that Iran and Australia had much in common. “Iran and Australia have… much in common. The Jews… are enemy. They make me… have bad dreams about Barbara Streisand. I go to make nuclear weapon now.”

American-based, white supremacist organisation, the Klu Klux Klan, said that racial attitudes in Australia were ‘disconcerting’, adding, “We just hate blacks. Australians hate everyone else”.