The Comedy Tree News Archive
Strong Pound to $US Dollar Leads to 'State' Shopping - April 19, 2007
The British Pound has broken the $2 mark for the first time since 1992, causing previously unseen investment patterns across the Atlantic.
The weakest US dollar in more than 15 years has led to British investors buying up large chunks of American property - even entire states.
“Why buy a central London chicken coup when I can buy the state of Kentucky, including Colonel Sanders and his entire chicken operation, for a tenner?” said city trader Gordon Gecko-Zeta-Jones.
Sir Richard Branson has seized on the ‘2 for 1’ currency opportunity and bought several American states for charitable purposes. A spokesman for Mr Branson said, “Sir Richard will be giving several northern states to Canada for much needed organic moose farming. He will also be returning Texas to the Mexicans because, well, it’s a backwards shithole, much like Mexico.”
Mexican President Emilio Enchilada expressed delight at the return of Texas and the many native Texans his country will now inherit. "We welcome the Amerigine people and foresee big increases in the production of Jesus figurines and chilli sauce."
The Home Office has also expressed interest in purchasing some Midwestern states, such as Kansas. Home Secretary John Reid said, “Our prisons are full and everyone we send to Australia keeps coming back. Midwestern states are ideal for prisoners - there’s plenty of space and they’re already rife with sodomy.”
Despite the US dollar being at a record low, the White House's exchange rate of an American life to an Iraqi life was at an all time high, with a value of 1 to 20,000. American Commander General Kilmore commented, “We’ve realised the best way to eliminate the Iraqi Insurgency is to eliminate the Iraqis. Once they're gone, there will be peace. I can’t wait, because I plan to settle in Baghdad when the war is over. This is the only place Americans can afford to buy anymore.”