Irwin Fans 'In Revenge Attacks' - September 16, 2006

Dead stingrays with their tails cut off have been found in Australia, sparking concern that fans of naturalist Steve Irwin are avenging his death.

Since the Crocodile Hunter's death last week, when he was killed by a stingray's barb, 10 stingrays have been found mutilated on Queensland beaches.

One local, Dave 'No worries' Dave-o, said, “Serves these bloody mongrel stingrays right!! What are they doin’ in our country anyway? They come over here, kill our national hero, and take our jobs. They don't even bother to learn our language!”

Wayne Sumpton of the state fisheries department, said that there are serious concerns about the violence escalating, with retaliatory attacks expected soon. “Tens of thousands of people could be at risk. Large groups of stingrays have been seen heading towards Queensland’s beaches. One group was headed by a particularly dangerous type of stingray, known as the Sting Ahmed Al-Ray.”

Stingrays are said to hate Australians’ way of life, their freedom, their fish & chip shops and, in particular, Vegemite. Australia’s Intelligence agency said that some stingrays were very good with explosives while others were simply “good at Sudoku”.

A spokesman for the South Pacific Association of Stingrays & Monkfish (SPASM) said, “We are also very aggrieved at the loss of a national icon. We believe that the particular stingray in question had been drinking after having a big argument with his girlfriend and was looking for fight. Irwin was simply at the wrong place at the wrong time.

"We feel it is wrong, however, for Queenslanders to punish all stingrays - it's the dark stingrays you have to watch out for."