The Comedy Tree News Archive
Sinn Fein To Host Lavish St Patrick’s Day Celebration - March 17, 2005
Controversial political party Sinn Fein has announced an unprecedented three-day St Patrick’s celebration, at an estimated cost of £26 million.
St Patrick, known to most Irish people as the patron saint of alcohol and colourful anecdotes, was an Irish historical icon credited for inventing the shamrock and the colour green.
Sinn Fein is hoping that the extravagant event, commencing with a two hour fireworks show in Belfast, will provide a much need boost for its image after recent adverse publicity connecting it and the IRA to the murder of Robert McCartney and the Northern Bank robbery.
Sinn Fein president, Gerry Adams, said security at the event will be tight and that IRA members will not be welcome. An IRA spokesman offered to shoot any IRA members who tried to attend the event. The IRA will also be shooting West Life as part of the celebrations.
When questioned, Adams seemed at a loss to explain how the event was being funded, eventually stating that, “The money for the event was raised through the… uh… sale of raffle tickets and this year’s bumper potato crop”.
Links to the Northern Bank robbery have been strenuously denied by Sinn Fein chief negotiator, Martin McGuiness, who arrived at today’s event in a custom-built, gold-plated, convertible Rolls Royce, wearing a sharp-looking Valentino suit.
Gerry Adams himself will be returning from New York this afternoon to open the St Patrick’s Day celebrations. He will be arriving on a privately chartered concord, after a week of few meetings but lots of shopping.
