The Comedy Tree News Archive
Northern Ireland Deal Close As Sinn Fein Discusses Relinquishing Arms - December 9, 2004
Sinn Fein President Gerry Adams has recommended his party accept British-Irish proposals to revive power-sharing, which include the decommissioning of IRA arms.
He made the recommendation to his party in Belfast on Monday, hours after DUP leader Ian Paisley said the arms issue remained the main stumbling block to any deal.
Despite strong resistance from many IRA members, who said the impact on their lives would be devastating, Adams was adamant they could adjust. “There are many options nowadays” he insisted. “Prosthetics have come a long way and robotics technology is improving all the time”.
Adams also said he’d seen documentaries where people without arms had learned to use their feet really well. “One man painted a copy of the Mona Lisa which looked fucking terrific”.
The Sinn Fein President then cited the extraordinary talents of ‘Freddie the Armless Wonder’ (pictured), born in Attica, New York in 1900, who could use his teeth and feet in several remarkable ways. Freddie was said to be able to swing on rope by biting it and perform nimble tasks of agility with his feet, such as eating with chop sticks and playing darts.
Earlier today, Mr Paisley met Tony Blair at Downing Street and repeated his party's concerns that the IRA was "dragging its feet" over decommissioning of its arms, saying photographic evidence was required.
Celebrities from both Dublin and Belfast, including Bono from U2, are said to be concerned about the arms proposal. Irish comedian, Jerry Sinn-Feinfeld, said he was most concerned about the proposal's effect on IRA comedy audiences. “What’s up with that?” he asked.
Humanitarian aid agencies have repeated their request for the arms to be sent where they are needed the most - to places such as Iraq.
