The Comedy Tree News Archive
Saddam Hussein interview - December 18, 2003
This week, The Comedy Tree attended an exclusive interview at Channel 4 Studios with captured Iraqi President Saddam Hussein. The interview, hosted by John Snow, gave an emotional insight into Saddam's gruelling eight month ordeal.
John began by asking Saddam, "What was it like to be down there in that hole all alone?"
"For me no problem. I had a mobile phone and a portable DVD player. Iraqi Vodafone reception was pretty patchy in the hole, so I'd receive no messages for hours and then a whole lot at once. That Muhammed Saeed al-Sahaf (The Iraqi Information Minister) is a very good man. He would send me many humorous messages and ridiculous Bush quotes. He also gave me a copy of Michael Moore's book and a DVD called The Hulk. This Mr Moore is very truthful, but The Hulk was very bad. Don't see it."
"Did you reflect at all on what happened leading up to the war?" asked John.
"Yes, some good, some bad. I wasn't the kindest of dictators, but then again, which dictator is? If Iraq was a democracy, then sure, I could have killed fewer people. But being a dictator implies a certain degree of brutality. You can't be a weak, liar, media manipulator like this man Bush. He has no testicles. If he was a movie, he would be like The Hulk."
"And now? What is the future for Saddam Hussein?"
"Yes, things are difficult now. My Presidency has been challenged by this whole invasion thing and I have no weapons and no army. What to do? I will write a biography and put out a calendar. I may even do a cooking video. I also want to run for office in America. If the Americans are so democratic, let them prove it by letting me run for office. Americans need someone like Saddam Hussein to give them discipline, because they are mostly stupid and fat. Too much TV, too many donuts and not enough beatings."
"Saddam Hussein, thank you for your time" finished John.
"Oh, one more thing" continued Saddam. "You must go see my friends at The Comedy Tree Putney. They have a magnificent show this week featuring the hard-hitting Matt Blaize who I think is great. Also Mark Watson, Zoe Lyons, Steve Mould & MC E. McElroy who is a very good man, like my brother. There is a late bar afterwards, so get down there and drink to Iraq. Who knows? Maybe you will laugh so much that you will end up in a hole with a long Santa beard like me! But seriously, Merry Christmas to everyone. Thank you John."
