The Comedy Tree News Archive
Wayne Rooney honoured - June 24, 2004
England’s solid win against Croatia last night, led by striker Wayne Rooney’s two goals, raised the nation’s hopes for a European Cup victory. England coach Sven-Goran Eriksson says Rooney is the greatest talent to emerge since Pele, or maybe even Elvis.
Eriksson said: "I don't remember anyone making such an impact since Pele in the 1958 World Cup or Elvis in 50s music scene. He's absolutely fantastic, not only at scoring goals but he plays football - he's a complete footballer. Much like Elvis, who could sing, dance and even act – a complete entertainer".
The Home Secretary David Blunkett agreed with the England coach's assessment of Rooney, who is now the tournament's top goal scorer. Despite not seeing the goals himself, Blunkett immediately announced a number of initiatives to commemorate Rooney’s success, before the young star is inevitably disgraced in a hotel pack-rape or becomes a target for terrorists. The initiatives include a June 22 Rooney Bank Holiday and an official Rooney-fan website, which features page 3 girl fans of Rooney, called ‘PooneyForRooney.com’.
“I call on all England and Comedy Tree fans to assemble at the Litten Tree this Thursday to watch the quarter final on the big screen and to attend the Comedy Tree’s hilarious post-match show which will start after 9.30pm” Blunkett said. “If I could see, I’d watch the hilarious comedy line-up featuring the delightfully daft Rob Rouse (“Clearly immensely talented... demands to be seen... star of the future” Sunday Times), Chris Gilbert, Nat Coombs, Liam Mullone and E. McElroy as MC. Don’t miss out. Book online at www.thecomedytree.com” Blunkett insisted.
In other sporting news, Tim Henman was eliminated from the Wimbledon tournament today when he was beaten in straight sets by a 12-year-old, one-armed midget in a wheelchair from Ghana.
