The Comedy Tree News Archive
Democrats Announce Aggressive Plan To Win Next Election - November 11, 2004
The Democrats have begun work on their campaign to win the next US Presidential election by developing a new and improved version of John Kerry.
Called ROBOKERRY©, the upgraded version of the Senator utilises the latest robotics technology and runs an advanced version of Windows XP. He even has a built-in iPod.
In addition to his prime directives of serving the public trust, upholding the law, and protecting the innocent, ROBOKERRY© will be programmed to smile more and to impart advice to youngsters, such as “Stay out of trouble, or I’ll send you to die in the desert”.
The Democrat’s strategy to win the popular vote will be to deploy ROBOKERRY© in strong Republican states, such as Alabama and Utah, where he will fight crime in the streets while restructuring America’s collapsing social security network. On weekends, ROBOKERRY© will undertake voluntary work, such as selling fairy cakes at school fetes and performing surgery on those without medical insurance.
There are also plans to deploy ROBOKERRY© in Fallujah to crush Sunni insurgents to boost his popularity amongst American voters.
The opportunity to improve the failed Presidential candidate arose recently when Omni Consumer Products of Detroit, Michigan decided to close its Automated Policing Division to pursue more profitable opportunities in the evils of consumer credit and parking enforcement.
A spokesman for The Whitehouse immediately dismissed ROBOKERRY©’s chances of winning an election and said that “Americans would never be stupid enough to vote for someone who is essentially a political party puppet and cannot think for themselves. Besides, we have the GOVENATOR©”.
