The Comedy Tree News Archive
Missing Republican Guard units spotted in Majorca - April 9, 2003
Followers of the war in Iraq were puzzled this week when Iraqi resistance around the capital of Baghdad seemed to crumble. Allied commanders said feared Republic Guard units appeared to have ‘melted away’. Earlier battles around southern Iraq cities saw fierce Iraqi resistance. So what happened to the bloody showdown expected in Baghdad?
In a Comedy Tree exclusive, Pete Jonas & E. McElroy followed a hot tip from Fedayeen militia they tortured. “We acted quickly on information they gave us, catching the first flight out of Saddam International airport” says McElroy. “The food on the flight was shit but we couldn’t believe what we saw after we checked into our hotel”.
Jonas elaborated, “We walked out of the Maguluf Hilton in Majorca shortly after arriving there and popped into Heroes nightclub nearby. The club was packed with Republic Guard soldiers having shots and dancing on the bar”.
When questioned on the issue of defending their country one soldier replied, “Have you seen what those bombs can do? We’re not fucking stupid you know. I mean, we’re well trained and have automatic weapons and shit, some artillery, even the odd RPG. But let’s be honest. We don’t stand much of chance against waves of tomahawk cruise missile and cluster bomb attacks. Fuck it, man. Let’s party”.
Come to The Comedy Tree Putney this Wednesday where hard-hitting Sam Miller will party with special guests from the Elite Republic Guard and make you laugh like it’s 1999. He’ll be supported by Rhod Gilbert, Karen Cockfield and Tom Price doing laybacks and waving their guns joyfully in the air. Due to a late night, friendly fire incident in Maguluf about ‘whose round’ it was, E. McElroy will be replaced this week by guest MC ‘Eric’.
