The Comedy Tree News Archive
Market Research Questionnaire - September 25, 2003
1. What are your feelings toward the weekly Comedy Tree emails?
a) I think they’re funny and I forward them to my friends
b) They’re okay but I enjoy deleting them more then reading them
c) They’re very informative and allow me to keep up with the news when I’m busy
d) The thing I miss most about my ex-girlfriend is her breasts
2. Which one the following statements is not true?
a) The Comedy Tree brings you a great line-up of comedy every week
b) Saddam Hussein was not only manufacturing weapons of mass destruction, he was developing an army of 10 million genetically enhanced, deadly, killer clones programmed to destroy all life on the planet outside of Iraq, especially Americans
c) Booking online at The Comedy Tree’s website will save me money
d) During times of high economic growth, Santa Claus expands his labour force to cope with the increased workload using mainly contract and part time workers, except in 1989, when a skill shortage in the labour market forced Santa to outsource 20% of his production abroad and use cheap third world labour
3. Palestinians and Israelis don’t get along because:
a) Of something about a borrowed ladder that was never returned
b) The Israelis want the Euro and the Palestinians don’t
c) They can’t agree on whether to go to The Comedy Tree Kensington this week or The Comedy Tree Putney
d) It was predicted in a daily astrology column and then it just happened
4. I like going to The Comedy Tree because:
a) Both venues have a late bar
b) They encourage children and have a crèche
c) Both venues have a pre-show happy hour but I still turn up late
d) Because I was the millionth customer last week and I won a million dollars
5. Who will be on at The Comedy Tree this week?
a) Offbeat sensation Spencer Brown
b) The lovably surreal Rohan Agalawatta
c) Gary Delaney & Clare Campbell vs. Ed Petrie & Juliet Meyers in a mud wrestle
d) Tony Blair trying out some new lies
6. Which of the following Comedy Tree exclusives were false?
a) The Iraqi Information Minister denying the existence of the Comedy Tree and proclaiming that all the acts on the bill that week had been killed
b) The Comedy Tree’s laughing tree logo being set to play the new terminator character in next year’s release of the Terminator 4
c) Neo, of ‘The Matrix fame’, performing a rare stand-up comedy show and dying on his arse within minutes
d) The Comedy Tree discovering missing Republic Guard units dancing on the bar at Heroes nightclub in Majorca
e) All of the above
7. What are your plans for this week?
a) Nothing. I am a loser. I have no plans.
b) I’m going to the Comedy Tree Kensington On Tuesday night and bringing lots of my friends
c) My friends and I are going to the Comedy Tree Putney on Thursday because we can’t get enough comedy. It makes us temporarily forget about our jobs and our partners, like alcohol.
d) Unfortunately I have a brain tumor and cannot go out.
