Al-Qaeda Plotter Testifies Against Himself - March 30, 2006

Convicted al-Qaeda plotter Zacarias Moussaoui has told a US court that he was involved in the 11 September 2001 terror plot. 

Moussaoui surprised prosecutors by testifying against himself at the trial and now claims to have been in training to fly a fifth plane on 9/11 into the White House.

The testimony was given after he sacked his attorney, Lionel Hutz, "I told him that was a bad idea, that he should tell no one about how he planned the flights, attended flight school, bought a ticket... you're not writing this down are you?"

Witnesses had previously testified that they had seen Moussaoui practicing his attack at a local Fun Fair in Washington. Ride operator Jeb Zoomer stated, "I'm wouldn't let him on. He called me a racist but he was too tall for the ride. Dems the rules. Then he tried to crash one of the planes into the bouncy castle. Luckily, they is attached to the ride."

Medical experts say Moussaoui may not be in a fit state of mind to testify on his own behalf since he has confessed and recanted his guilt many times. At one point during his testimony he was plucking petals from a flower stating, "I planned it, I planned it not.  I planned it, I planned it not."

US federal prosecutors also denied any evidence that Moussaoui was initially tortured. "Officers followed standard procedures," claimed prosecutor Yule Suffer, "He was held underwater for three hours, stripped naked for four days, and then violated by a dwarf.  The confession was completely voluntary."

The trial continues, partly because it distracts Americans from realising Osama bin Laden has never been caught, or that in all likelihood, he isn't even real.