Blair Says Nuclear Choice Needed - November 24, 2005  

The British government must make tough decisions over whether to invest in a new generation of nuclear power, Prime Minister Tony Blair said this week, as he prepared to launch a review of Britain's energy needs.

Branding the new policy as ‘NewClear’ and not nuclear, the Prime Minister told parliament that, whilst tackling climate change and developing new energy sources with NewClear power would be “controversial and difficult”, it was a decision he was prepared to take, just as he did the many times he lied to the nation through his teeth and the one time he went down on his wife.

The government's chief scientific adviser, C Montgomery Burns, urged Blair to give the go-ahead for an expansion of nuclear power, despite strong criticism from environmental groups. Environmentalists claim that the UK’s existing power plants, located mainly in the Wales and the North, are linked with teenage pregnancy, a desire to live in council housing and an affinity for tracksuits.

Trade and Industry Secretary, Alan Johnson, said however, that the government’s policy would address all environmental concerns - as all new NewClear power plants would be located in India.

Opposition leader Michael Howard responded by calling for the Prime Minister’s resignation and a return to the days of steam power.

Apu Nahasapeemapetilon from Bradford said his brother Plutojeet, who has worked in India’s Rawatbhata nuclear plant since birth, has experienced no problems whatsoever. “Not only has he been employee of the month twice, he is also the nations top goal keeper - because he has more arms than Vishnu”.