The Comedy Tree News Archive
‘Love-bomb’ Secret Weapon Behind Peaceful Iraq Elections - February 3, 2005
One of the US military’s most top-secret weapons was deployed for the first time this weekend, and is being credited with a relatively peaceful election day in Iraq.
The so-called ‘love bomb’ delivered a high impact aphrodisiac to male insurgents in the troubled Sunni regions of Iraq. The effect of the bomb is a high level of homosexual behaviour, thought to ‘distract’ the fighters.
Government officials said they capitalised on the separation between men and women in the Middle Eastern cultures. “I mean all those men, together, so rough and ragged. So strong and so needy. All they needed was a little push”, said one official speaking anonymously, but with a pronounced lisp.
The bombs, containing a mixture of amyl nitrate and ecstasy, were launched from the USS Screaming Queen. Areas affected by the attacks have seen a marked increase in sales of Robbie Williams posters.
President George W. Bush was pleased with the results of the gay attack, “As promised I have delivered freedom and better dressed men to Iraq.”
One insurgent fighter denied being ‘gayed’, stating, “Ahmed and I are only friends. Praise Allah. And isn’t Allah just so-o-o-o cute?”
An important note from The Comedy Tree: This bomb was actually under development by the US military - see article. No wonder they thought invading Iraq was a good idea.
