Lords to Vote on Lords Reform - 8 March, 2007

MPs have voted to reform the House of Lords by demanding all members are elected, rather than appointed, with a majority in favour of the proposal.

Commons leader Jack Straw called the vote "a historic step forward" and believes that House of Lords maybe reformed in time for the Olympics, but refused to say which Olympics he was referring too.

Dozens of Lords peerages appeared on eBay after the vote, with Lord Levy denying any involvement. He was later seen in the Whitehall internet café logging on as ‘lordwinkwinknudgenudge32’. He was also spotted in East London selling items with the House of Lords seal from a briefcase for a fiver. One customer came away with a wig and the title ‘Lord Announcer of the Tube’.

In another vote, MPs decided to remove the remaining 817 hereditary peers. The peers did not pass comment on the vote but instead expressed concern at the number of benefit recipients in the country ‘living off the state’.

During the House of Lords debate preceding the Commons vote, three Lords had to be hospitalised for ‘over tutting’ themselves. House of Lords Leader, Lord Horseteeth stated, “The poor fellows couldn’t take it. It’s the weaker stock of these new Labour appointees.” His comments were greeted with 45 ‘hear-hears’ and several ‘too rights’.

Labour peer Lord Big Ears has published figures suggesting £1,092m as the cost for the proposed shake-up, consisting mainly of expenditure on scones and Devonshire cream.

The Lords are now expected to introduce a counter-measure bill  which would call for the cleansing of vermin from the House of Commons by way of a massive ‘hunt’, clearing the way to reinstitute the Queen as the sole decision maker for the country. Lord Fox is expected to oppose the measure.