Live 8 'Not Live' Scandal Revealed - June 30, 2005  

A number of news sources have reported that Saturday’s Live 8 Concert in London will not be ‘live’.

An insider close to Bob Geldof has revealed that the Live 8 organiser forgot to confirm the acts performing at Saturday’s concert in Hyde Park. “He’d been drinking a lot and lost his mobile phone, which had people like Bono and Madonna’s numbers in it”, said the unnamed grass.

Geldof is now planning to use archive footage for the video screens and have look-alikes lip-sync on the main stage, the grass added.

Several of the musicians on Saturday’s bill, who did not have other shows planned, have confirmed their appearances, however. They include Rick Springfield, Milli Vanilli (who have chosen to lip-sync anyway) and Phil Collins, who will play special ‘Live 8-themed’ versions of his hits, including ‘One More Bite’ and ‘Groovy Kind of Bun’.

And ZZ Top, who recently lost one of their front men Dusty Hill to gum disease, will be performing with a special guest (pictured) and playing “She’s got legs, but I’ll never see them”.

The ground-breaking interest in the Live 8 concerts has prompted Geldof to plan several more global, fundraising events, including:

Live Fete - for the families of African children who have died in apple-bobbing accidents

Live Dave - for Geldof’s friend Dave from Essex, who suffers from heart arrhythmia and needs surgery to prevent death

Live Gay - to end hunger and poverty amongst gay people who simply shouldn’t be subjected to such terrible, terrible things

Live Date - to end Geldof’s difficulties in getting laid, as he has not brushed his hair or showered since Live Aid in 1985.