The Comedy Tree News Archive
Overpopulation of Kiwis in London Forces Gypsies Out - November 18, 2004
The continued influx of New Zealanders flooding Britain’s capital has hit crisis levels, and is threatening the survival of the UK’s most durable travelling resident, the Gypsy.
“Aussie’s weren’t really a threat to us like these people have been,” said Gypsy King Al Jordan. “They generally stayed in short-lets and then got better jobs. These Kiwis are a pox on all our peoples.”
New Zealand Embassy officials denied there was a problem. “Listen mate, we pride ourselves on doing things better than anyone else. Look at all the inventions that have come from New Zealand*. The complaints from these Gypsies are bullshit. We just pack ‘em in. How many people do they get in a caravan? Five, six max? Come on mate, that’s shit."
The Officials were speaking from the New Zealand Embassy in West Kensington, home to over 4,000 Kiwis in a house originally zoned for 10 people. One onlooker described it as being like “one of those ‘people-in-a-phone booth’ record attempts. I saw faces pressed flat against the window, and somehow, they were still drinking beer”.
The Gypsies stated that the problems began when a Kiwi named Terry rented a room in a caravan. “He looked like a nice guy,” stated Emma, a Gypsy from Nottingdalewickhamshire. “We said, sure, he could have the back room, and then all of a sudden there were more than 80 of them. We even sprayed their bed with Raid, but nothing got rid of them.”
* The NZ government has yet to provide an example of any inventions. All requests for information were met with the reply, “Ah get stuffed, ya wally.”
