The Comedy Tree News Archive
Kerry and Bush to Square off in Madison Square Garden - September 23, 2004
Iraq is again dominating the US election race after challenger John Kerry denounced President Bush's handling of the conflict, saying that there was “only one way to settle this”.
In a speech setting out his plans for Iraq's future, he accused Mr Bush of “colossal failures of judgement” and challenged him to a cage match in New York City’s premiere sports entertainment venue, Madison Square Garden.
President Bush immediately hit back, accusing Mr Kerry of having bitten off more than he could chew, adding that he was going to teach Kerry “a thing or two about Pain 101”. Mr Bush, also known as ‘The Executioner’, is expected to defend his policy on Iraq before attempting to apply his painful Texas Figure-Four Leg Lock submission hold.
Dogged by controversy, terrorists beheaded an American hostage after Bush's recent victory over the Iron Sheik. After praising Allah, the group claimed the killing was in retaliation for his use of a foreign object during the match while the referee had his back turned. Bush denies the existence of the object.
Kerry, a man of great agility renowned for his spectacular aerial moves and turn buckle prowess, is expected to attack Bush with flying elbows and more foreign policy criticism before going for his signature ‘working people’s piledriver’ finishing move. Experts say that by tapping into public concern over violence in Iraq, Vietnam veteran Kerry could be about to follow in the footsteps of another decorated military serviceman and former heavyweight champion, Sergeant Slaughter.
This Thursday at the Comedy Tree Putney, a new Steve-Weight Champion will be crowned at the "Night Of 1000 Steves" special, which features current champion, hilarious prop-comic Steve Best (“Rip-roaringly funny” THE GUARDIAN), with Steve Williams, Steve N Allen and Steve Mould. MC ‘Steve’ Jonas is referee.
Friday night’s match at The Comedy Tree Hammersmith features Cruiser-Weight Champion, ventriloquist Mark Felgate (“Right on the funny bone” THE STAGE) with challengers Jon Torrens, Liam Mullone, Steve N Allen and distracted referee MC E. McElroy.
