Livingstone Takes Londoners Roughly From Behind - October 6, 2005  

London Mayor, Ken Livingstone, took revenge on unsuspecting Londoners yesterday by announcing a range of whopping Tube and bus fare increases.

In a move designed to punish Londoners for abandoning support for him in last year’s Mayorial elections, Livingstone described the huge fare rises as, “Just the beginning”.

“No person will travel across London without feeling my wrath” declared the anti-Semitic Mayor, before pushing over a pensioner and standing on a pregnant woman.

The phenomenal fare increases come immediately after the controversial congestion charge zone was extended to cover parts of West London which have no traffic. Livingstone, a reputed murderer, extended the zone despite over 80% of Londoners opposing it.

“I will put and an end to West Londoners enjoying life” he said. “They will pay for not being poor. I didn’t even know what a café latte was until I was 29!”

Having grown a remarkable two feet in stature since London’s successful 2012 Olympic bid, ‘Cunty Ken’ admitted that East London’s proposed Olympic facilities were being designed with a dual-purpose. Each venue will also double as a Ken Livingstone Theme Park, where patrons queue for hours to board unsafe rides and pay exorbitant fares which double every six months.

The killjoy mayor, or ‘West London Rapist’, is also believed to be changing by-laws to allow him to ‘have’ the eldest daughter of any family residing in Greater London, and to allow him to remain in power indefinitely - even after he’s dead.