Jail Inmates To Be Freed Early - 21 June, 2007

Inmates serving jail terms of four years or less will be released early to ease prison overcrowding in England and Wales, Lord Falconer has said.

The new early release scheme will not include those convicted of serious sexual or violent offences, such as fingering with intent. Priority will be given to prisoners who ask “really, really nicely” and those with a note from their mum.

He also said 1,500 new prison places would be created, mainly by the severe mistreatment of existing prisoners, leading to their eventual death. Falconer stated, “We expect to see more prisoners slipping on the soap, but not in the fun way.”

The Conservatives condemned the plan to release prisoners early. Shadow Home Secretary David Davis said, “Between virus-infested hospitals, an ageing, perilous rail network and streets full of early-release criminals, I strongly advise all free people to move to Australia.”

Lord Falconer said work to construct 500 of the new prison places would start "immediately" and then coughed loudly as he simultaneously muttered “2011”.

BBC correspondent Gail Bird said the jails were so full that some 400 prisoners were being held in police stations each night, with another 200 being locked in police cars and further 50 just being sent back to their council flats they were born in.

"This is a temporary measure," explained Lord Falconer. "Once we find a way to introduce the death penalty without calling a referendum, the problem should ease."