The Comedy Tree News Archive
Bush appoints new Iraqi President - June 3, 2004
The new Iraqi president will be Ronald McDonald.
In a last minute intervention, President Bush halted the process for appointing an Interim Iraqi Government after it was not panning out the way US authorities had hoped.
McDonald was chosen from a shortlist of candidates that the President and Donald Rumsfeld compiled themselves. The list also included Hulk Hogan, Oprah Winfrey and Gilligan (of Gilligan’s Island fame).
“I believe Ronald McDonald is the embodiment of American values” President Bush said in televised speech. “This is a good thing for Iraq. After months of terrorism and insurgency what the Iraqi people need is someone who can say ‘Hey, look on the bright side. I’ve got a red wig on. Have a cheeseburger’”.
McDonald immediately began preparations to assume his post on June 30, when Iraq will become a sovereign nation again for the first time since the fall of Saddam Hussein. Many believe that McDonald’s biggest challenge as President will be the security threat posed by the Hamburgler, who has been linked to Iraqi insurgents and Al-Qaeda via the radical Muslim cleric Abu Hamza. Both are said to be hard-line followers of the militant Islamic fundamentalist organisation, Hamas-burger.
Other critics say McDonald doesn’t have the experience required for such a job, having worked as the children’s burger-loving funster since only 1998, after the original Ronald McDonald was arrested in a shopping mall for approaching young children covered in nothing but ice cream and his own faeces.
Ronald McDonald will be at The Comedy Tree in Putney this Thursday, June 3, to publicly appoint his new ministers. Favourites include Perrier Award nominee Howard Read (“One of the finest comedy talents in the UK … Genius” Metro), Andrew Bird, Roisin Conaty, and Pete Jonas. MC E. McElroy has withdrawn from the ministerial nominations after disagreeing with McDonald on the nomination of Grimace as Health Minister. To book tickets to the event, visit www.thecomedytree.com. Those arriving before 8.30pm will be entered into the draw to win a lovely range of McKids children’s clothing, made by less fortunate children in less significant countries.
