Bush: Things in Iraq 'Peachy Keen' - 25 October, 2006

US President George Bush has described the situation in Iraq as “peachy keen”, despite tumbling domestic support for his government's Iraq policy.

Echoing shades of the reality-proof Iraqi Information Minister, Bush said that things on the ground in Iraq were “neat, just dandy” and that the Iraqi government and security forces were making “swell” progress.

A recent opinion poll conducted by CNN suggests that only 20 percent of Americans think the war in Iraq is being won. Over twice that figure believe anything they see on television, and 72 percent of all Americans polled don't know what a poll is.

One option the US government is considering to end the sectarian violence in the country is to break Iraq up into independent provinces. Current political forces in Iraq would see the creation of four new provinces: New Texas, Great Basra, Al Enron-Kirkuk and McDhonaldz.

“We have two choices: We must stay the course in Iraq or the course we stay is in Iraq” said the President. “We’re not quite sure how many Iraqis have died in combat but you can bet your bottom dollar that US deaths in Iraq are a hell of a lot lower! Winning, I tell yas, winning!”

The British army echoed the President’s optimism. General Major D Lusion, in charge of UK forces around Basra, said "There are signs we are beginning to see a tipping point where success breeds success. We are beginning to win hearts and minds in Iraq, although we often win them by collecting the ones that are scattered in the street."

Meanwhile the US state department official who said that his country had shown "arrogance and stupidity" in Iraq in an interview on al-Jazeera TV, has apologised for his comments. Alberto Fernandez, how appeared with surrounded by Secret Service agents and had wires dangling from his genital area, said he had "seriously misspoken" and that things in Iraq were, “Peachy keen. Just dandy.”