US Accuses Iran of Exporting Terror - 31 May, 2007

In the first direct talks between the United States and Iran in 27 years, the US has accused Iran of exporting terror to countries such as Iraq.

The Iranian envoy Hassan Bhabhoom told Iranian television, "The West cannot have a war on terror with out a steady supply of terrorists, many of which the Americans keep killing. The great nation of Iran is simply meeting demand in a global marketplace."

US Ambassador Bigg Talker said Iranian terror exports were costing American jobs and could even force the closure of some US terror factories. “My daddy worked in a terror factory and my daddy’s daddy worked in a terror factory. It’ll be a dark day in history when America cannot export terror cause of cheap foreign imports.”

Iran has increased its terror exports despite a more competitive marketplace. “Terrorist organisations are being more demanding about the types of terror they want," added Bhabhoom. "Most of our terror growth has come in the areas organic terror, whole terror and gluten-free terror."

Climate change has also impacted the global terror market, affecting both US and Iranian terror crops. “Innovation is the key,” continued Bhabhoom. “Lower crop yields mean you have to do more with less, and value-added terror packages are what consumers want.

"We've had big success with our ‘2 Terrorists + free Shower Radio’ packages. They did so well in fact, that at one point, other terrorists were buying them up and re-selling them on Ebay for double the price. Fortunately, we were able to use PayPal information to kidnap and decapitate these infidels before the problem got out of hand.

“The bottom line is we will always do better than the Americans,” claimed Bhabhoom. “We specialise. In Iran we only do two things - terrorism and prayer.”