Brown Declares Housing First priority - 12 July, 2007

New Prime Minister Gordon Brown has announced he will put housing at the centre of his new parliamentary program for the next year.

The Government’s Housing Minister, Mr Foxton Khunt said, “We guarantee to introduce affordable, quality homes for all first time buyers just outside of London, with the option of either Bulgaria or Basra.”

To help with the immediate housing shortage the Government is importing thousands of mobile homes from the United States. The American mobile home company Mobile Hobo stated, “Since its hurricane season in Florida, we’ve got plenty of what we call ‘pre-loved’ mobile homes. Each trailer comes with a dog named Skeeter and a six pack of Bud.”

An early recipient of a US-donated home said it was much better than her former council estate. “It had lots of fresh air, since there was no roof, and the toilet actually flushed.”

Many of the new homes being offered under the government’s proposal are aimed at buyers with specific needs. Environmentally concerned homeowners can purchase semi-detached igloos, which are ideal for those who own several thick overcoats. Luxury doghouses have also been developed for potential homeowners who are really attached to their pets.

The centre point to the new scheme will feature a range of grey, refurbished skips for homebuyers that are keen to upgrade from their council flats, but not keen enough to get an actual job.

The Prime Minister realised he needed to do more to help both homeowners and tenants after moving into 10 Downing Street. A spokesman for the PM stated, “The last tenants really tore the place up. The toilet was full of shredded papers that had ‘Iraq’ and ‘Evil Plans’ written all over them. Plus someone had smeared ‘Brown is for Poo’ in faeces all over the walls.”