The Home Office To Close - June 1, 2006

After weeks of continuous blunders, the Prime Minister today announced that the Home Office would be closing.

The final straw came when it was revealed that National Insurance numbers were issued to thousands of illegal immigrants, giving them access to medical care, pensions and other third world-like public services.

Mr Blair said the Home Office would be set on fire and its role replaced with an immigration ‘honour system’. “We trust that this country is run badly enough that that no one would want to stay any longer than they had to”.

The immigration honour system will be supported by a poster campaign in airports and Employment Centres, with messages such as “Are you still here?” and “Go away. You smell”.

Mohamed Ichbal-Kandhar, a Taliban fighter from Afghanistan now lurking in South London, said the new policy “made a lot of sense”. He then asked, “Which way is the Israeli Embassy?”

Home Office employee, Anthony Jobsworth, described the closure as a scandal and an outrage. “This is a scandal and an outrage” said Jobsworth. “I can’t be blamed for any of these recent mistakes - I haven’t actually turned up to work for about 9 months”.

Over 1,300 staff will be displaced by the closure of the Home Office. However, the government is trying to redeploy most of the staff into jobs with London Underground and the NHS, where they can continue to sit around and play solitaire, whilst staring at customers queuing.