The Comedy Tree News Archive
GUANTANAMO BAY HOLIDAYS TO END - February 26, 2004
The Pentagon is set to announce the first charges against its foreign guests at Guantanamo Bay. Pentagon spokesman, Ian Justice, said "we were worried that this might happen eventually, but so soon? Damn that election! They're all having such a great time out there. Wearing orange jump suits is hilarious".
Two men, alleged to have been key members of the al-Qaeda network have been charged with conspiracy to do some very, very bad things. The Pentagon named them as Ahmed al-Someone and Mohammed al-Another-guy. Both are believed to come from somewhere in the Middle East, probably.
According to their charge sheets, they also have a number of aliases, all of which sounded very terroristy.
It is said the pair will be tried either by military commission, by tribunal or by Lord Hutton if no one else is available. George Bush himself may even 'guest judge' some of the cases if he can find the time between changing the US constitution to ban inappropriate marriages and taking shoelace-tying lessons.
The Pentagon insists both men will be presumed innocent of any charges until proven guilty at a military commission in which the Pentagon will appoint attorneys, the judge, the jury and all relevant evidence.
The Comedy Tree proclaimed its disappointment with the announcement, stating "this completely ruins our plans for August".
Returning from the sunny resort of Guantanamo bay this week, to appear at the Comedy Tree Putney this Thursday, is the brilliant Paul 'Osama' Chowdry, the imaginative Stan 'Mustafa' Stanley, Lloydy the Illegal Missle Trader, Paul al-Kid & MC Pete 'Mahmoud' Jonas. Arrive for happy hour, stay for the bar & DJ until 1am and most importantly, don't forget to book your holiday to Guantanamo bay.
