Gordon Brown Becomes Prime Minister - 28 June, 2007

Gordon Brown has become the UK's prime minister, succeeding Tony Blair. Standing outside 10 Downing Street, Mr Brown said, "Let the work of change begin."

Stating his priorities as education and health, Mr Brown vowed to, “Reverse the damage done by that pox on our youth, Jamie Oliver.” He said that meat and vegetables could be the basis of a healthy diet, as long as they were on a slice of fried pizza.

The new Prime Minister said that tackling climate change was a priority for his government, adding that “further temperature increases could put the public at risk. No one wants to see British people wearing less clothing. Even the black people look pasty.”

The new Environment Secretary Sir Groundskeeper Willie, addressed the press this afternoon with a statement on global warming. “Och aye! They may take our clouds, but they will never take our freedom!"

Mr Brown will also seek changes in the NHS where he believes substantial cost savings can be achieved. He has proposed that costly methadone treatment programs be replaced with cheaper, deep-fried heroin extract.

The changeover at 10 Downing was nearly marred when a scuffle broke out between the incoming and outgoing Prime Ministers. Tempers flared when Brown accused Blair of not wanting to hand over the spare keys and Brown threatened to lift his kilt in front of the Blair children.

A controversial video involving both men appeared on the Internet earlier this week. The video showed a hazy image of someone that looked much like the new PM standing over the decapitated corpse of Tony Blair mumbling, “There can be only one.”