The French Vent More Anger at Cars - November 10, 2005

The French Government has authorised a range of emergency powers in an effort to combat 12 nights of motor vehicle burning.

As more disaffected, isolated, Muslim youths took to the streets, French officials debated the country’s social policy, with right-wing parties calling for an end to immigration. “If they don’t like it, they can go to Swindon or Slough!” said unfeeling, right-winger Gérard Depoopoo.

But the troubled youths said that government policy makers have it wrong. “We just hate cars!” declared Mohammed Le Jihad as he kicked off the side mirror off a Fiat Punto. “We are particularly angry at this stupid Renault Megané ‘shaking that arse’ commercial. And as for that Citroën ‘Happy Days’ commercial - sit on this!”

Car manufacturers have been particularly distressed at the spate of damage. Peugeot CEO, Leon Menage-a-Trois, said “This is an outrage! Cars are terrific. All my children were conceived in the back of cars”.

Statistics support Mr Menage-a-Trois’ suggestion. Since the beginning of the riots, pregnancies in ‘Les Miserable’-like estates have fallen by over 40%, with youths forced to fornicate in alley ways and against dumpsters.

Some policy makers see a positive in the situation however. French Culture Secretary, Jacques Frere-a-Jaqua, said “These youths were thought to be on the fringe of French culture, yet have proven to be more French than they realise by showing disdain for everything around them. No doubt they are now planning to go on strike and eat revolting cheeses”.