The Comedy Tree News Archive
Excessive Tsunami Funds Force Aid Agency Changes - February 17, 2005
In the six weeks since the south Asian tsunami disaster, charities have had to suspend their appeals, after being overwhelmed by generous donations.
With over £4bn donated so far, and aid agencies determined to invest all the money in the devastated region, they are facing a massive change in the way they operate.
This new investment has exploded the local economy, making Indonesia the world's second largest economy, behind only ravaged Sri Lanka. Red Cross Vice President of Finance, Richard Bunting explains. "With all the aid money that came in, we needed world-class security and global finance systems to manage it, so we just set up a bank instead".
The Red Cross Bank of Indonesia now has huge global interests, including a 40% stake in Haliburton and is engaged in a takeover bid for Rupert Murdoch’s News Corporation. They are also considering a hostile take over of Enron.
Matthias Schmale, Director of the newly formed Oxfam Investment Trust, said "In a disaster like this, we generally get £27 per affected person at the most, but now we have £533 per affected person" before ordering another round of vodka martinis. “Oh look, there’s Donald Trump. He works for us now”.
Schmale said The Oxfam Investment Trust has rebuilt thousands of homes, often in their original location. “But not everyone has been so lucky” added Schmale. ”We couldn’t rebuild Bikbak and his son Tiktok’s house where their family home used to be because there's an 18 hole golf course there now. The good news is that we made them both honorary members. When I'm not entertaining on my yacht, I sometimes see Bikbak in the club house, which is actually where his family's house used to stand”.
After the News Corp acquisition, The Red Cross Bank plans to spend millions on trying to get the Sky News subsidiary to report the news unbiasedly. “It will be difficult and we’re not sure we’ll have enough money to do it” commented Mr Bunting.
