Bush Condemns American 'Election Terrorism' - 9 November, 2006

President George W Bush’s administration is reeling after the crushing defeat in the congressional elections.

Bush blamed the election result on ‘election terrorists’ who turned out in droves at polling booths across the country. “These people seek to hurt America”, said Bush. “They hate our way of life, hate our freedom, hate the Lord Jesus Christ and they love fingering gerbils”.

 White House spokesman Tony Snow said, “Election terrorism is becoming a global threat, gripping places such as Venezuela, Palestine and now America. Democracy only works when the people vote for us.”

Snow did acknowledge that some changes were needed. “People do need to see the Republicans make some changes. I’m pleased to announce that later today Vice President Dick Cheney will take Defence Secretary Donald Rumsfeld out onto the White House back lawn and shoot him in the face.”

In the State of California, Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger retained his seat, claiming to have thwarted a number of ‘election terror plots’. “These dangerous individuals, many of whom were named Sarah Connor, were neutralised before they could do any damage”. Schwarzenegger referred to his re-election by saying he “loved sequels” with Republicans hopeful that this sequel will be more successful than Terminator 3, which was seen by only 4 people.