The Comedy Tree News Archive
British Election Cancelled - May 5, 2005
All three major parties in the British Election, scheduled for this Thursday, have issued a statement announcing that they have accepted the cancellation of the election due to a lack of public interest. The election lost momentum after the final days of campaigning were met by thousands of blank, disinterested faces.
“Basically, we don’t have enough confirmed pre-sale to go forward with the event,” stated a representative from the Electoral Commission. “This happens with lots of things, like Emma Bunton concerts, but is unusual for an event of this scale”.
“So far, only 3 mail-in ballots have come back out of the 10 million sent out, and were pretty sure that they’re fake”.
When canvassing the local Putney community, voting seemed to have made it onto people’s ‘to do’ list, but other things seem to take precedence:
“My polling station is some place called ‘The Library’ but I’ve never been to that pub. Do they have a late licence? Is there a happy hour? Will my racist friends be able to get in?”
Boeta Botha (South African naturalized voter), 32, Southfields
“Didn’t we just elect a new Pope? Why is he running again? These Germans are so power hungry. It’s happening all over again!”
M Louzer, 25, Roehampton
“I can’t vote this week. I’m waxing my ear lobes.”
L Ephant, 67, East Sheen
“I’d love to vote but I can’t leave the house anymore. I’m addicted to property and antique shows.”
A Twat, 34, Wandsworth
“I do my nails Thursday morning and they would never be dry in time.”
B Boob, 23, Barnes
