Crazy Frog Found Brutally Murdered - June 9, 2005  

Millions of people around the world rejoiced today when the notorious Crazy Frog was found dead earlier this morning.

The annoying frog, found floating in the swimming pool of the Sunset Marquis Hotel in Los Angeles, was the victim of a mafia-style killing that left its body almost unrecognisable. A statement from police at the crime scene said “Yippee!”

The frog’s death was reported by the L.A.P.D. at 8am this morning, but it is believed that the frog was actually murdered much earlier, at around 2am. Sources say that police did not make the frog’s death public for several hours because they were partying with hundreds of frog-hating revellers gathered at the premises, and that some police were seen break-dancing whilst drinking champagne.

“It was the party of our lives,” said one officer, “better than Woodstock.”

Forensic experts praised the killing as marvellously slow and agonising, and assured reporters that the frog endured unimaginable pain before finally drowning. They believe the frog was overpowered, doused in petrol and set alight before being shot 9 times “buckwheat” style. It was then stabbed 17 times in the neck, repeatedly punched and kicked, battered with golf clubs and nailed to a mobile phone, before being kicked into the swimming pool and left floating unconsciously until it drowned.

Police now fear for the safety of Sweety Chick, who has been the victim of public harassment and abuse. An L.A.P.D. spokeswoman said, “We are deeply concerned that the abuse may not escalate to violence and that we may have to hunt and kill the fucking bird ourselves.”