The Comedy Tree News Archive
Record council tax increases hit Londoners - September 18, 2003
Today, London’s boroughs announced that council tax rates were set to rise by 3050%. A spokesman for the boroughs said, “These increases are necessary to fund a number of initiatives we came up with at brainstorming retreat in Blackpool. We were all really pissed, but then we realised, we’re not accountable to anyone, so we’re just gonna go for it”.
Key initiatives include the conversion of a dozen fleets of unused Green Goddess fire trucks for use on the Central Line, a training program aimed at producing a tramp for every street corner, and a road works campaign next August where every street in London will be dug up simultaneously in a search for hidden treasure.
In response to the new council tax increases, The Comedy Tree has been forced to cut costs and increase prices.
E. McElroy said, “We can’t survive the increases unless we make some changes. At first we thought about cutting off the electricity and having the show in the dark with the comedians using a megaphone but then Pete suggested we go for new revenues streams. Often, the back part of the venue isn’t completely full, so we’re going to fill it with lap dancers and poker machines. We’ll be selling comedy souvenirs such as those hand-shake buzzy things and whoopee cushions.
"The door price will be going up to £163, but it will be a lot cheaper if you book online or have a flyer - only £157. We’ll also be offering discount breast examinations and artistic bikini waxing”.
So get to The Comedy Tree this week before the amazing comedy line-ups are replaced by cheap Mexican comedians and arrive early for pre-show Happy Hour drinks before the switch to a moonshine-only bar. See the genius of Andy Zaltman at work, along with Karen Cockfield, Steve N Allen, Juliet Meyers and your MC E. McElroy. Pete Jonas has been forced to hock his rump in Kings Cross.
