The Comedy Tree News Archive
Christian Group Angry About Lots of Things - March 3, 2005
They have taken on Jerry Springer: The Opera, the BBC and are now are planning to tackle everything else. So who are Christian Voice?
Branded “fundamentalist thugs” by liberal MPs, the group is led by ex-builder Arsen Craick, whose mission is to return Britain to the 1950’s. Back then, he says, it was a Christian country.
Craick believes that England’s moral decay can be pinpointed to 1958, with the release of the first Carry On film, Carry On Sergeant. “The tirade of celluloid smut was compounded by the unprecedented bawdiness of The Benny Hill Show from the 60s though to the 80s, leading to the current generation of slags that we have in this country today”.
Christian Voice sees slags as the driving force behind today’s immorality, describing them as “freely contravening the laws of God with their Bacardi Breezer-fuelled vaginas”.
“They need to be punished by God,” adds Craick, “especially the ones who won’t sleep with me unless I pay them”. He says that his extensive use of prostitutes is, however, purely an attempt to ‘inject them with his holy spirit’.
Like most fundamentalist Christians, Craick is very concerned about divorce and homosexuality, with particular concern over gay police. “How can they catch crooks when they are constantly winking at each other and worrying about décor and curtains all the time?”
He is currently angered by the wedding of Prince Charles and Camilla, which he condemns - “It is wrong for two men to get married.”
