Truth Behind Cheney Shooting Incident Revealed - February 16, 2006

The White House has released further details of the shooting incident which occurred over the weekend involving US Vice President Dick Cheney.

An unnamed official has confirmed that the incident was actually part of was a secret training session. “We were hoping to make an announcement next week, but we will be deploying the Vice President in Iraq to help with the counter-insurgency”, said the unnamed official, who is believed to be very close to Mr Cheney but not close enough to get shot. “He’s simply a killing machine. There are no quail left in Texas, which is why he shot his friend. If he stays in America, anyone could be next.”

The Vice President, repeatedly operated on for his many heart attacks and other ailments, has been slowly reconfigured with biotechnology into a lethal fighting machine, much like Robocop. Cheney, however, has been especially designed for wars that are started with false intelligence, poor planning, and which have no end in sight.

Fitted with an eight-cylinder, oil-based heart, The Pentagon claims Dick ‘The Oilborg’ Cheney is the ultimate desert warrior, able to go for days without food. Instead he drinks from abandoned oil wells.

“His key weapon is that he feels no remorse”, said the unnamed official. “I once saw him take a piss on a child. When the kid stated crying, Cheney then shot his mum. He’s perfect for Iraq”.

“During election campaigns, when the VP is required to display compassion, he is fitted with an Intel Emotion Chip XP, enabling him to seemingly connect with the people”, added the official.

The mechanical VP will be released in Fallujah this week to counter insurgents and to assassinate someone by the name of Sarah Connor. He will also be programmed to hunt down Saddam Hussein, who the Americans have recently re-armed with imaginary weapons.