Clarke Threatens To Release More Foreign Criminals - April 27, 2006

Embattled Home Secretary Charles Clarke used a series of failed tactics in the House of Commons today to distract attention from the wrongful release of 1,023 foreign prisoners.

Mr Clarke’s tactics included the ‘look over’ technique (pictured) and the use of a smoke bomb, during which he tried to sneak out of the Commons Chamber like “one of the very criminals he wrongfully released” according to Tory leader, David Cameron.

Things turned ugly when the Home Secretary could seemingly no longer cope with taunts for his resignation, yelling “shut up!” and “just stop it!” before retaliating with the threat to free even more foreign prisoners “of the worst kind”.

Earlier during question time, Mr Clarke had refused to resign saying that he had done what any self-respecting politician would do and had apologised at least twice. “I do apologise. I have apologised. In fact earlier this afternoon, I recorded a series of apologies that will play from a speaker above the Home Office every fifteen minutes. What else do you want?”

Passers-by at the Home Office, however, reported hearing London Underground-type announcements and not apologies, such as “The Government would like to report that there is currently a ‘good service’ operating in the Home Office”.

Mr Clarke added, “Don’t forget that I’m the ‘new’ Home Secretary. Most of these foreign criminals were released under the previous Home Secretary, because he was blind”.