The Comedy Tree News Archive
Bush Borrows An Old Trick From Milli Vanilli - October 14, 2004
The much maligned debating skills of George W Bush are facing fresh ridicule after claims that he was wired to receive instant help during his first television debate with John Kerry.
A bulge in the back of the President's suit jacket is alleged to have been a radio receiver feeding him answers from an offstage aide.
The Bush campaign immediately dismissed the claims, saying that the President was simply listening to music which inspires him to debate - artists such as Willie Nelson and Dolly Parton. “Ever since Sir Cliff Richard’s epic release in the 80s, ‘Wired for Sound’, the President has been a huge fan of portable music players. He often listens to music whilst roller-skating though parks, with large groups of cheerful youths wearing sweatbands”.
Theories that Bush was wired started circulating after he gave long, coherent responses to questions he initially struggled to answer. On the issue of unemployment he responded, “Well, I uh… um… gosh, darn it … we all wanna work, don’t we? Me thinks that the truth is… that… my government’s fiscal policy, despite generating a short-term budget deficit, will stimulate demand in the economy longer term, leading to sustainable jobs growth, investment by the business sector and prosperity for… um… uh… all y’all”.
Bush campaign director, Karl Rove, was seen at the event but never in full view of the audience. He was heard to cough twice after Bush began to give meandering, stuttered responses to some questions. Rove also won Who Wants To Be A Millionaire in August of this year.
Others say the bulge was evidence that the President was packing heat. “It ain’t like a Texan to leave home without his six-shooter” said one man. “That’s why people get shot - cos they don’t gotta a gun
