Bush Turns To Jade Goody For Help - 25 January, 2007

As Jade Goody continued her frantic ‘apology’ tour of daytime talk shows, President Bush delivered his seventh State of the Union Address this week, amid the lowest approval ratings of any president since Nixon.

Bush delivered the speech from the White House Diary Room and found the experience very liberating. He stated the war had been a mistake, that it was his idea alone and that the entire war had been an excuse to control Iraq's oil. During large portions of the speech, however, only the sound of birds chirping could be heard. 

Bush asked for ‘a chance’ on Iraq, stating that failure would have “grievous" consequences. He then stunned viewers with the announcement that he will not be sending the ‘surge’ of 20,000 soldiers to the Middle East. Instead, he has decided to send in Jade Goody.

After the speech, White House spokesman Tony Snow talked up Operation Goody. “Jade and the President are on the same wavelength. They are not swayed by the opinions of ‘readers’. Jade will do a great job working with natives, such as Shilpa Poppadom. She’s from Iraq, isn’t she?’”

US officials hope that Jade will be able to do as much damage to the Iraq insurgency as she did to Big Brother. One White House source stated, “Her voice is the ultimate WMD.  It makes everyone in earshot want to kill themselves.”

Jade, who is the only person on Earth with a lower approval rating than President Bush, said she was pleased to accept any offer to do ‘anything-k’. She said she was looking forward to the sunny weather in Iraq and to meeting this well publicised ‘Surge’ fella.

Critics of both President Bush and Jade Goody said of their rise to fame, “It proves an important social point - you can feed a pig caviar, but at the end of the day, it’s still a pig.”