uS Lab Successfully Grows Human Bladders - April 6, 2006

Scientists in the United States have successfully grown the first laboratory bladders, made of cells taken from the body parts of patients.  

The announcement was made by Dr. Hfuhruhurr, who previously had attempted to clone his own brain, but changed directions and went into bladders a few years ago.  “The brain market in the US was a flop.” 

The bladders have been test marketed in the UK over the last few years in local Wetherspoon pubs, offering a special ‘4 Pint An Hour Super Size Bladder.’  

There is one drawback according to lab assistant Anne Uumellmahayem, “We haven’t figured out how to insert the new organ.  So you can use the bladder, but only through a long straw.”

Many researchers are describing the advancement a ‘milestone’ in medical science.  Dr. Hfuhruhurr disagreed with that assessment, “It’s clearly not a milestone, it’s a bladder.”

The White House has been at the forefront of the new technology, in an attempt to wean the US off of cheaper, foreign grown organs.  “With ‘outorganing’ the market has been moving to India,” said a spokesman for the White House.  “With over a billion people, they don’t exactly need to wait to grow them in a lab.”

The marketing director at 1 800 BLADDER said the lab grown bladders were bound to fail, “No one wants to wait for a new organ.  Call us 24 hours a day-except during Diwali. Bladders are standing by!”