The Comedy Tree News Archive
Bin Laden Surprise Leader In US Presidential Election - November 4, 2004
Exit polls from today’s US Presidential Election indicate that Al-Qaeda party nominee, Osama Bin Laden, has emerged as the surprise leader in the heated contest. Political experts believe that heavy repetition of Bin Laden’s latest video on American TV screens has given him the edge at the polls.
President Bush and Senator Kerry lost ground to Bin Laden after gambling their final pre-election days on local campaigning in swing states, instead of more widely-viewed TV appearances.
Ima Mauron, a voter in the swing state of Ohio, said “Awl Mr Bush ever talks about is I-rack. I didn't catch awl of what Mr Bin Layden said on television, but he’s obviously a big fan of this country. He kept saying 'America’.”
A translation of Bin Laden’s latest video on Arabic website, Al Jazeera, focuses on Bush’s short comings on the war on terror. “It seemed to him that occupying himself by talking to the little girl about the goat was most important on Sept 11. The inarticulate, infidel buffoon is a most bad story teller, unlike myself, a worthy servant of Allah who makes good goat noises. Ba-a-a-h! Ba-a-a-a-h-h!! Look at me. I’m the Billy Goat Gruff.”
According to the latest Comedy Tree polls, Bin Laden is the leading candidate by 60% with likely voters, 45% with unlikely voters, 25% among unlikely, non-literate voters, and 15% among unlikely, non-literate, one-legged, transvestite, Latino voters with piles.
