The Comedy Tree News Archive
ASIMO the Humanoid Robot - February 19, 2004
ASIMO, the world's most advanced humanoid robot, arrived in London this week for the English leg of his world tour.
The robot (pictured dancing to Michael Jackson’s thriller) is capable of walking forwards and backwards, climbing stairs,and mimicking drunken behaviour, such as pissing against a tree and putting his mates in a headlock.
The Japanese motor company Honda has spent over 17 years designing ASIMO, but being the oldest robot of his kind, ASIMO is having what scientist can only describe as something of a midlife crisis. ASIMO’s tour manager, Dr Hing Hong Ping Pong, spoke about the robot’s unique problem.
“We realised something was wrong when he came to work one day having spray-painted himself red, fitted a spoiler to his arse and had So Solid Crew playing from his speakers. He told us he was tired of science tours and wanted to try something different. So we let him experiment. You may remember seeing him in a Foster’s commercial -the one where his owner catches him in bed pooning a vacuum cleaner.
“Then he was a stunt man for a while. He loved all the chicks hanging around the set but quit after one of them made a crash test dummy joke. It was also costing us a fortune in parts”.
Asked what the public can expect from ASIMO’s London shows, Dr Pong said, “On this tour he’s DJing. He mixes and scratches for 2 hours and really cuts it up. He’s been very focused after the News of the World story last year about him being addicted WD40 and dating Danni Minogue. He wants to prove to everyone that he’s a great entertainer and not the sort of degenerate who would date Danni Minogue.
“He’s also doing some stand-up while he’s in London but we’re not sure how it will go” adds Pong.“He’s tried stand-up before but was really rough with hecklers. He just couldn't understand why anyone would interrupt him. He walked up to this guy who was talking, grabbed his nuts as hard as he could and just wouldn’t let go. We had to turn him off”.
