US 'To Reduce Its Forces in Iraq' - December 1, 2005

The White House says it expects conditions in Iraq will permit a reduction in American forces in the country next year.

A spokesman told journalists the US plan to reduce the troop’s presence, by as much as 15%, would involve replacing current serving soldiers with much shorter and thinner ones.

Speaking during a secret visit to Iraq, President Bush introduced the new head of US ‘reduced’ forces in Iraq, General Mini-Me, who could not be seen, but waived from behind a podium.

The use of midgets and people without limbs was also integral to the strategy, added the President, but was quick to deny the recruitment of midgets from The Shire, Middle Earth, firmly stating, “These are American little people.”

White House spokesman, DM Farker, said that whilst conditions in Iraq remained ‘peechy-keen’, many troops there reported being ‘really, really hot and tired’ and would prefer to do cool stuff like the British Royal Marines - dressing up and wrestling naked with big, funny, green arm pads.

Protestors in America have complained that some of the new soldiers are in fact children. General Mini-Me reacted to the accusations simply by smiling, pointing frantically to the opposite corner of the room and then disappearing through a catflap.