The Comedy Tree News Archive
A Message from the Iraqi Information Minister - April 23, 2003
From the honourable Muhammed Saeed al-Sahaf
I am speaking to you from my office in Baghdad. My message is a vital one, full of truthfulness, unlike the lies of the American infidels, most of which have been slaughtered.
Our country remains safe, secure. These American and British cowards bask in their illusion that they are in Baghdad. They are not. They are nowhere. They are on the moon. Allah has condemned them. They are stupid. They are stupid (dramatic pause) and they are condemned.
Our leader President Saddam Hussein, God bless his name, is resting. Rumours from the ministries of false-truths, CNN and the BBC, about his position are lies. All lies. Reports that our President was seen at the Comedy Tree Putney are fantasies of the mercenary dogs. Be assured. He is nowhere near Putney.
That villain Jonas thinks he can put on a show in Putney this Wednesday. He cannot. We will come at him with bullets and shoes. There is no Comedy Tree in Putney. I can truly say, in fact, there is no Comedy Tree anywhere.
Reports that Rob Deering will be featured at the Comedy Tree Putney this week are lies. He will not be at the Comedy Tree and he is committing suicide. Geoff Norcott and Mary Bourke have had their throats cut. God willing, we handed them the cruel they fate wept for. Steven Mould has fled. The British lout has fled and we will make him drink poison. And God will roast all of their stomachs in hell.
Be assured also that that crook McElroy has been besieged. We have placed him in a quagmire from which he can never emerge, except dead.
These Comedy Tree heathens will discover in appropriate time in the future how stupid they are, believing that Iraqis will book online at www.comedytree.com and how they are pretending things which will never take place, such as happy hour from 7.30pm.
I now inform you that you are too far from reality.
