Fury Over BBC's Licence Fee Plans - October 13, 2005  

The BBC yesterday announced plans to increase their licence fee 2.3% above inflation each year, sparking outrage amongst consumers. Under the proposals, the current fee of £126.50 will go up to £150 by 2008, and to £10,000 in 3108, reported the corporation’s chairman, Dr Evil.

The BBC claims the increases are necessary to expand the number of digital channels that no one watches and to produce more ‘quality’ original programs, such as documentaries about Hitler and suicide-inducing dramas.

“We also plan to improve the quality of programming across our channels by buying more American and Australia television shows” said one BBC official. “Our last great writer was Benny Hill”.

The additional money will also be used to help the nation’s dearth of talentless writers and actors buy property in trendy parts of East London.

Culture Secretary Tessa Jowell supported the corporation’s efforts saying, “It’s vintage New Labour; we charge more and deliver exactly the same thing.  It’s what Tony’s being doing with the NHS.  People are too busy watching Trisha to even notice what’s happening.”

Londoners, who are still reeling from Ken Livingston’s tri-anal assault over congestion charges, tube and bus fares, have finally had enough.  “I’ve had enough,” said one gentleman seen wandering with his pants around his ankles looking dazed and abused, “but I can’t stop watching TV. I might miss the latest episode of ‘Cooking With Monkey’s Poo!’ I don’t want to be forced to read a book or something. That’s scary.”

With the proposed expansion in programming, the BBC hopes to help the government achieve its plan to destroy any independent or original thought left in the country – strategy which has proved highly successful in America.